I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
