First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
