also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he just fucked me for my cheese..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
