Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
