Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
