You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize