You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
