woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
