Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
