Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
