Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
