dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
