I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
