If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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