Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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