Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
