If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
