If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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