I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
