The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
