dude i'm inner monologue high
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
