I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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