maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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