dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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