She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
