and i looked up. we had an audience...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize