I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My hand turned me down
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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