we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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