I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
