my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize