I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
