sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
