i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
