did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
