Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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