my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
