I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
