Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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