drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
