she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
