I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
