Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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