no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
