WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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