yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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