Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
