i just wanna soil my oats bro
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
