I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
