There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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