I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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