I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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