So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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