she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
