somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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