there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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