you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
