I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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