Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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