i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize