I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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