Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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