there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
