I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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