She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
