listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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