Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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